I’m mid-stream, in the midst, on the road: House Gut Job, Rotator Cuff Rehab, Novel Major Re-write. “Stay Patient! Hang in” is now my supremely irritating track running on repeat. Fuck patience. Our temporary dinner table squashes behind the door in my new front hall. Doubling as a kitchen counter, food prep station and auxiliary […]
Setbacks and surgery…
New Year’s Eve, let’s try venturing out, sure! In the spirit of cliff diving and taking chances, and sometimes you soar and sometimes you crash land, the test of my resilience arrived via a proverbial slap upside the head, out of nowhere. We’re at a Santa Barbara resort party, chatting up a table of friendly […]
We, the people. Xmas 2016
I crave the comfort of a holiday season that never was. I want the thrill of a perfect present surpassing all my wildest expectations, happy family gathered smiling, house lit with heirloom decorations and filled with glorious song. (Oh, and while we’re dreamin’: sleigh bells ringing, those powdered almond cookies, caroling neighbors, ice skating on the pond, crackling fire with no leftover ashes.)
Renovations-Redux!
It’s fall, time to shed the old and make way for the new, right? Yes, yes, yes, we are two months into it, another gut house reno, and once again we’re living in the midst! The first floor first, phase one: new walls, windows, massive carrying beam, staircase, floors, sub-floors, insulation, heating, wiring, gut=true gut […]
Kidney Cancer: Ten years Grateful
August 2006: 6cm tumor. Renal Clear Cell Carcinoma. The memory of that phone call is still profoundly shocking: sitting at my desk, pen tracing over and over on the yellow post it: 6cm 6cm 6cm, struggling to make sense of what the doctor was saying. How does a 40-something woman with no risk factors contract […]
Ano Nuevo-My New (scary) Year!
I had the map, I had the motivation, then why was I suddenly scared? We started out together–David, my daughter Elise, and I–on a gloriously perfect North California day. Docents strategically located, good signage, even a well-marked path. Ano Nuevo, the park off Route 1 on the rocky coast, home to the famous Elephant Seals […]
44 years later, love.
Man, oh, man: his blue velvet dinner jacket, my pink dotted-swiss, my tightly clasped hands, we were such innocents on the plaid couch in his parent’s downstairs rec room. One day I’ll tell you the real story behind that day. For today, our 36th wedding anniversary, 40th year living together as a couple, 44th year […]
A sister’s anguish-still.
I found my brother’s body. And then I wrote his Death Notice for our local newspaper. I said, in the obliqueness of 2002, he had, with a valiant effort, overcome his “past struggles” and found success. We referred to H. as his decade-long partner and “closest companion.” The funeral home was overwhelmed with massive displays […]
The Heartbeat of a Day
May 31st marks one year. Twelve months since I posted my last Quickbooks transaction. Gave my last employee review. Attended my last board meeting. Worried about fitting sick kid-patients onto the overbooked schedule and calming stressed out moms and overworked dads and how to get services for children with special health care needs and the […]
Get ready, set…Fail!
I love me some comfort: the sensibility of routine, my favorite worn-in sheets, the predictability of the sunset and the tides outside my window. And especially now, the particular feel of the keyboard, the sticky space bar and silent clicks; the opening up of the document and return to my characters; the way my uber […]
Gail Ansel 